breakthrough

I don’t know what corner Monica and I just turned but it’s good. Just this week she has started giving me kisses on the cheek of her own volition. She’s never done that before. I think I wrote a post in the past about how hard it is for Monica to tell me she loves me. It’s really very interesting. She’ll say “I love you” but only if she’s not looking at me or if there is a barrier in the way, like a bathroom stall door, or my back. It’s odd and I noticed it from the beginning of our relationship.

The past few months she’s been making me things like cards, or giving me things like pictures she’s colored. It dawned on me last month that it’s her way of showing that she cares about me. I’ve never doubted that she does care about me and I’ve never doubted the positive bonding and attachment that I know is occurring between us. But I also never put it into words for her.

I remember reading in one adoption book that you have to tell them what they are feeling so that one day they’ll be able to express it themselves. And even if you are a little off, it’s ok as long as you’re close. So about a month ago I started narrating for her. When she makes me things and gives them to me I say, “Thank you. You are showing me that you love me.” And she nods yes with the biggest smile on her face.

Last weekend Zach and I were out of town for FOUR DAYS. Hokey petes. It was a long time to be away from the girls, and the first time to be away from them for more than a day. (I have to admit that it was very rejuvenating for the two of us and we felt quite refreshed when we returned, especially having had time away to think and reflect in somewhat of a quite environment where we could actually start and finish a conversation all in one go!) Anyhow, when we picked the girls up from school on Monday we got the BIGGEST hugs and kisses and smiles from the two of them. They just wouldn’t let go in a good way and it felt so good for all of us to be reunited.

We’ve made that step from united to reunited and I think it means a lot as a family to feel that kind of bond. So back to the beginning of the story. Monica has been giving me lots of kisses every night before she goes to bed this week. She says “Huggie” and then holds her arms up and wraps them around me tightly (also new). Then she says “kisses” and I put my cheek down and she kisses me. It’s so new and it’s so wonderful . . . and I’m beginning to  feel like her mom.