Day 5

If I had to sum it up so far I’d say it’s getting both easier and harder. The routine is working itself out nicely. We’re finally remembering what we read in all the adoption books about setting realistic boundaries and teaching the girls that we will take care of their every need. We remind them constantly to ask us if they need something so we can get it for them and show them that we will meet their needs. Otherwise, they shout out what they want and then try to take care of it themselves. So reminding them to ask has been very helpful and they are remembering to do it now more and more. Also, we are approaching changes in scenery by explaining to them what will happen next, what we expect of their behavior, and asking if they understand what we just said. Most of the phrases are, “Mira y escucha ninas, cuando vamos a ir a la supermercado, necessito que . . . . Mira mis ojos, entiendes?” If their behavior is not what we told them we wanted, we are learning to give them two choices to redirect their behavior. This has worked better then just jumping to a consequence rather than letting them correct their own behavior by choice. Also, giving lots and lots of praise for doing things right seems to go a small distance in building their self-esteem.

So those parenting skills are helping to make things easier. It’s a very very very steep learning curve for us and we have to keep reminding ourselves that they’ve had a rough go at the beginning of their lives and that building trust will take tons of patience.

What’s hard? When those wonderful parenting skills we think we’re learning DON’T work! Ai yai yai! Monica has been testing us a lot. She has thrown a few temper tantrums, most only lasting about 5 minutes or less. However, she had one today that lasted for 20 minutes. Papi wasn’t here (he was out buying clothesline at the super market) and it was difficult for me to deal with Monica. I had to hold her so she wouldn’t hurt herself or anyone else. It is at times like that when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and that is a difficult feeling to have when you think you’re as prepared as possible to be an adoptive parent. Our translator showed up in the middle of the tantrum as got to see everything in it’s full glory. Finally, finally, I got Monica to look at my eyes and say she understood what had gone wrong and what I needed her to do to calm down and say she understood that I love her. As soon as she said that she stopped crying and I let her go. She just lay on the bed for another 20 minutes while Sorany and I talked. I have to say, I almost broke down crying myself at the end of it because I felt so incapable of ‘doing it right.’ Again, it’s a steep learning curve and Zach and I are constantly talking and trying to process how better to handle similar situations the next time around, because there’s sure to be a next time on this adoption journey.

More about Kelly: she LOVES to put on my dress shoes and walk all over the room, then put on papi’s watch, and then my pink baseball cap. She loves to look at the family photo album we made for them and point to pictures saying “MI mami, MI papi, MI casa” with so much enthusiasm. She is to happy to have people to call “MI tia, MI tio, MI abuelo, MI abuela, etc.” She is always asking to talk on Skype with “Mami’s sobrina, AVA.” It’s so cute. She can count to three in English. She knows the words “fingers, open, close, don’t touch ;-). She loves to look in the mirror and talk to herself. She talks with her hands. She’s a chatterbox. I wish I know what she was saying. She pushes Monica’s buttons and then when Monica reacts physically and gets reprimanded Kelly tries to mend the situation, again with lots of talking and negotiating. She laughs a lot and easily. She is quick to forgive and quick to say sorry. She gives me kisses. She says she loves me.

More about Monica: she LOVES to swim. Oh my goodness. She wants to show us how brave she is in the water even though she has a harder time letting go of our hands. I’m sure that’s because she’s learning to trust us. Every day she is more and more daring in the water. Today she let papi do Super Monica with her in the pool. That’s a first! She has to go to the bathroom like 20 times a day – although this is getting less and less every day.. We think it’s because of nerves. She loves to play “bebe” with me. The first two nights I made both girls wear pull-ups to bed because I didn’t know if they would wet the bed from nerves. Kelly shook her finger me and said ‘no necessito’ but Monica LOVES the pull-ups. She wants me to put them on her like a diaper, as if she were a baby. She loves for me to say “mi bebe” and then blow bubbles on her stomach. In fact that’s the only time we really hear her laugh without reservation. It’s adorable. She has a beautiful smile and her eyes light up when you look right at them and smile back.