arden lane

Tag: kelly

  • Adjusting

    Monica and Kelly spent, as far as we can tell, their entire life together. They lived in the same foster families and, with just about every single major life event, always had the other near. Not that I’ve always recognized this fact, but that permanence acts as a foundation to their relationship (and extends to our relationships with them). They know each other well. The quirks, the behaviors, the buttons to push (and not push) at given times. And they do love each other in typical sisterly fashion.

    Now along comes a brother.

    A brother who is close in age, full of energy, ready to play and fight, and who comes with his own distinct adoption baggage (different from their own). Plus (because it’s simple math), he divides mom and papi’s attention.

    It’s been interesting.

    We expected this. I remember talking with Chris and Mary on how Nicolas and Diana had to go through a stage of bonding because they never knew each other well (having not been in the same foster families). Biological families go through similar experiences as the number of siblings increase. It’s normal.

    But still interesting. Monica tends to stay above the fray. She handles the changes in, frankly, a pretty mature and self-reflective manner (I can’t tell you how flippin proud I am of how that girl is turning into an awesome young woman). We’ve had some honest breakdowns. Yesterday she told me she wished she didn’t have a brother anymore (again, normal). We’ve had to curb some mothering behaviors. Overall, nothing major.

    Kelly and Diego are a different story. One minute they’re best friends, hooting and yelling and running and laughing. The next minute they’re tattling and fighting and playing war games on each other. Part of this is that they’re so very close in age. Kelly, I would say, is having the hardest time adjusting to the new family hierarchy  She’s no longer the youngest. She’s also our daughter who responds best to predictable patterns, fewer surprises, and clear expectations. Right now we’re in a period of mild chaos. And that’s just how it’s going to be for a while as things settle.

    Diego is adjusting and struggling in two areas. The first is communication. For the next few months he’s in the nether world of loosing the ability to communicate (as he forgets his Spanish) all the while trying to make sense of the new (English) words coming at him all the time. This is frustrating (think how frustrating it would be to us!) and you can see that frustration roll across his face sometimes. The second area of struggle is that he’s learning family rules. And the odd thing about some of these rules is that they were very much tailored to Monica and Kelly (and their issues) – so sometimes the rules seem strange (although some are arguably basic: don’t hit, bite, lie, etc.).

    In short, we’re in an adjustment period. Overall I’d say we’re not facing anything unexpected (or drastic), but I do find value in recognizing that this is what is happening.

  • Happy Gotcha Day: Year 3

    Right now, as I write, Kelly is curled up at on my feet playing with her teddy bear. Monica still sleeps – she’s tired because she spent yesterday at a gymnastic meet – but I know the slow rumbles of a house waking up (coffee maker, dogs playing, the furnace kicking on) will soon send her downstairs where she’ll first give me a hug and then ask if she can watch PBS Kids. I love weekend mornings because they’re slow and full of cuddle time, hugs, and hot chocolate.

    Today marks 3 years of being a Papi.

    Frankly, I’d love to reflect more on this. About how becoming a family of 4 seems so normal. About the constant, energetic vibe of two daughters bouncing around the house. About how blessed I feel every day, waking the girls up, making breakfast, and yelling at them to knock off the bickering over who combs the hair better (Kelly: “Monica’s making fun of my bed head!” Monica: “Kelly’s hitting me.”)

    Adoption is such a cool thing.

    But I don’t have a lot of time to reflect on this because we’re scrambling to finish the bits and pieces of Colombian Adoption 2.0: Diego. We may be leaving in a week (possibly two), and there’s just so much to do.

    Still, today is about the girls. We’re going to Church. Then swimming at the YMCA. The dinner with family at our favorite place to eat, the Green Papaya (our Colombian by birth, Dutch American by adoption daughters love Thai food). Tonight we’ll give them gifts from Colombia (we bought enough to give them a gift every year until their 18th birthdays).

    And tomorrow we start on the Gotcha for Diego.

    Gotcha Day: Year 3
    Gotcha Day: Year 3
    Gotcha Day (Original Gotcha)
    Gotcha Day (Original Gotcha)

  • It’s 4 2.

    Sunday was a beautiful stormy and sunny day. At one point in the afternoon the west was a setting sun and the east was a rain cloud. We all ran out of the house rainbow hunting and discovered perfect, double arced rainbows (end to end!) over our neighborhood.

    Kelly, who for some reason was playing with a tape measure, held it up to the sky and promptly pronounced the rainbow to be:

    “Four Two.”

    I snapped this picture with the phone.

    Kelly measures a rainbow.

  • Shmoe does the bars

  • Summer. Sprinkler. Dogs.

    While we like to spend a good chunk of summer at the YMCA pool, on occasion the girls beg for the simple joy of a sprinkler experience. Plus Magdalena loves it.

    And it waters the garden.

     

  • Kelly Almost Snorts a Worm

    Kelly Almost Snorts a Worm

    Kelly and I have Spring Break this week and we’ve a good size list of honey-dos we’re working through.

    Kelly at the Mailbox. She helped pound the post.

    First on the list was installing a mailbox. Our local mailwoman is terrified of our dogs (Lena in particular goes nuts with barking – even with a bark collar). After a couple of firm (but polite) letters from local post office…not to mention going without mail for days (DOGS OUT written across letters), we decided to put a mailbox a couple of feet outside the dog fence.

    The dogs still bark and the mailwoman is still jumpy (the invisible fence is sorta like faith), but we’ve gotten our mail finally.

    Also on the list is prepping our garden for summer. We’re doubling the size this year, that means digging out sod and filling it with a good mixture of compost, top soil, and peat moss. Not that there’s much of a science to it, but the Vander Veen family is getting good at creating compost (even if the kitchen compost is mostly egg shells and coffee grinds).

    Anyway, digging out sod turned up a lot of gooey earthworms that the robins loved. Today Kelly found a huge earthworm trying in vain to climb out of the garden pit.

    “Cooooool Papi!” she yelled.

    Seeing what was bound to happen, I said, “Kelly, please don’t taste or smell the earthworm.” (See sense cycling).

    Sometimes with Kelly the verbal (corrective) prompts arrive way too late to compute against the quirks hardwired in the mind. In her brain, I was already tardy in my request.

    Picking it up, Kelly managed to (just) not lick the squirming worm. She did, however, cup it in her hands and take a good snort. For a brief second I envisioned a slimy earthworm plugging up her nostril – a wormy mustache of sorts. But no, having snorted, she threw the worm towards the woodpile.

    “Kelly,” I said. “I need you to stop sniffing things. Please.” She was having a particularly sniffing day. By afternoon she had sniffed concrete, asphalt, grass, a mailbox, and a weed-wacker.

    “Okay Papi!” She said with the biggest smile.

    That’s the thing, it’s exasperating but cute at the same time. And a little funny.

     

  • THE

    There are few more head banging, frustrating, pull-out-your-hair UGGHHH moments than trying to teach your child a SIMPLE concept and them positively, absolutely, rapturously and completely NOT getting it.

    Ren and I have spent 3 hours¹ teaching Kelly to read the word the.

    THE is a black-hole in the neurons of Kelly’s mind. She uses it every day. Correctly. She just can’t read it. It becomes THIS, THEY, and (weirdly) WHATHOW.

    We strategize. We plead. We threaten (I know, bad parents). I come up with funny faces and song notes (this helps, a little). We praise when she gets close (whathow).

    But sometimes that mental block just ain’t moving.

    So we try again tomorrow. And she’ll get it right on the first knock.

    __

    ¹This is not an exaggeration.

  • Broccoli

    Kelly hates broccoli (Monica’s not fond of it either).

    Kelly also has food issues. She asks, regularly, what’s next for breakfast, lunch, or dinner (I know, sometimes this makes me want to cry.)

    After asking, like, the 400th time, she and I started this game.

    Kelly: “Papi, what’s for dinner?”

    Papi: “Your favorite. We’re having pan fried Broccoli!”

    Kelly – with lots of laughter: “Noooooo. I hate broccoli. What are we really having for dinner.”

    Papi: “Broiled broccoli!”

    And continue in a fun manner.

    Now please don’t think bad of me, but I recently viewed Jimmy Kimmel’s I gave my kids a terrible present part 2 and completely busted out laughing a few times. Broccoli is a very bad Christmas gift.