In geek terms, our web hosting provider is having issues with “unlimited bandwidth”. It’s not that our website uses that much bandwidth! But it seems that we’re under an old hosting package that never got upgraded and the tech support is, shall we say, challenging.
Anyway, we’re back online (at least until the end of the month).
Warning, this is an embarrassing post. If any of my colleagues are reading this, please don’t hold this against me. If any of Zach’s colleagues are reading this, please remember that we are only related by marriage. And Monica, if you read this someday, I hope you don’t forget how profusely I apologized to you afterwards, or the wonderful and inspiring story I told you about my 8th grade algebra class, but I do hope you forget how I taught you to borrow numbers when subtracting. You are right. I was wrong. And good luck on your test tomorrow. I hope you rock it!
. . . I asked Monica to pick two easy pages of her homework packet to complete while I put Kelly to bed. When I came downstairs to check on her, she was happily coloring an elephant and told me she had finished the page with the clocks and a page of subtraction. As I checked her math work, I noticed that she had done four problems incorrectly and asked her to erase them and try again.
She buried her head in her hands and shook her head. “Mommy, I have a test tomorrow!”
I said, “It’s ok. You’ll do fine. You have the right concept. You’re just using the wrong numbers. Math is very specific and you have to have the exact right number. I’ll help you.”
I walked her through the steps of borrowing and said she had to remember to go back one number before adding a 1 in the ones place. She sighed and redid all four problems my way. Then I said, “Do you want to try three more problems on the back for extra practice before your test tomorrow? I’ll give you a piece of chocolate.”
Of course, she wanted SIX more practice problems. She is a hard worker. As she was working on the last problem, I was mentally adding the numbers to check her work because something just didn’t seem right.
“Wait a minute honey. This isn’t right. These answers don’t add up. Wait a minute. I need to figure this out.”
That’s right. Mommy taught her wrong. She had done it correctly the first time, without my help.
We had a good laugh over our chocolate. Hopefully, lesson unlearned.
Monica wants – has wanted – a Nintendo DS for nearly two years. This has not happened, mainly because Ren and I are uncomfortable with yet another electronic gizmo (especially such an addictive gizmo) in the hands of our video game loving daughter. While we would approach such a purchase as (another) opportunity to teacher all things in moderation, that particular lesson gets taught on a regular basis with the iPad. No need to add battles.
This week Monica again mentioned her desire for a DS. We politely told her it wasn’t going to happen. And then, somewhat wistfully, she said:
Awww, I wish we were rich.
I’m still chewing this over 5 days later. To some extent, it felt like a familiar, cliché moment. What person doesn’t fantasize from time to time about a world where money is no longer an obstacle to whims of desire? To entertain the “what would you do if you won the lottery” thought.
On the other hand, her statement also felt a bit surreal. Because, let’s be honest here, we are rich when compared to all the world standards (a particularly poignant fact made clear after catching glimpses of hard poverty in her home country).
We’re certainly not limitless wealthy. Raising a family is a constant lesson in economics (one that warrants future posts). Scarcity, especially time and money, is always a factor. There is only a finite amount of you to get things done. And there’s only a finite amount of dollars to use towards any given goal. One of the blessings of the middle class is that you have choices. But you still need to make a choice. For example, Nintendo DS or gymnastics for the month?
I suppose that’s why I’m still thinking about this days later. I let her comment slide (I think I even laughed). “We don’t have money for that” is, sometimes, an easy way out (especially because it’s rooted in some truth). Explaining why we spend money on some things over others is a harder conversation, usually because it involves morally gray areas and uncomfortable truths even for adults.
Not to mention if you’re a follower of Jesus, there’s a whole extra layer of complexity when it comes to wealth. Because, you know, He had some things to say about poverty.
Much of parenting (or, arguably, much of life) boils down to getting my children to ask some variation of these questions:
Question three is the hardest and requires experience, be that experience from others or personal experience (which requires age!).
To be clear, I’m probably over thinking Monica’s comment (she really wanted to play some Mario). But her comment provided an opportunity to reflect.
Tonight I felt very blessed. We made a fire (it’s been spitting snowflakes all day) in the backroom. Monica and Kelly were showing off gymnastic moves. Diego was playing with stuffed animals. We peppered the girls with occasional homework questions. They jumped around like popcorn – shouting vocabulary words and days of the week (a particular rough spot for Shmoe). Today we did church for the first time and were surrounded by our faith family, all happy and excited to meet the little man in person.
When feeling blessed, I’ve a tendency to want to give thanks. And a thank you post is long overdue.
Adoption is a rather large, sometimes daunting, event. Ren and I are acutely aware of the many hands that helped bring this family of incredible Colombian kids into our arms. Here are the shoutouts.
Mom and Dad (Martin)
First and foremost, we want to thank Sam and Karen. Not only have they always been an incredible source of support, but they stepped in as guardians to girls when we traveled to Colombia (a large task in and of itself). Simply, they are wonderful grandparents. The girls were/are well loved.
Our Family
We also felt the love and prayers from the Vander Veen/Martin clans. Thanks to my mom and dad for watching our “other” kids, Lena and Kenzie. For Mom’s help the first few days with the kids (and the thankfully brief adjustment period). Thanks to Jeff and Kristen and nieces and brothers. Diego was so very excited to give Victor and Jesus big hugs. Thanks to Dalmans, Petroeljes, Joel and Kynnie and all the Skype sessions and humorous asides. Thanks to the Lohrstorfers (family by adoption) for the prayers and clothes! We love you all and are so very happy to be in families where adoption is just second nature.
Many thanks to extended family clans as well. Facebook comments were like gold.
Our Friends
We’ve many friends who’ve prayed this journey through. Thanks to our CHPC small group – chaotic and irregular as it is (we’re all having and adopting children!) – for hundreds of prayers the last 5 years (and for the gut checks). Thanks again to the Rozells for picking us up at the airport and serving some real American food as we waited for our connection flight. Thanks to Jen and Todd, Robs, Tim, Aaron (lunch while waiting for Visas!), Derek and Jenny, T and T, and many more for the prayer, support, and (especially) laughter. Thanks to the Walters, our other family from Holland. Thanks to the many work friends who pitched in with paperwork, stories, and occasional meals.
Our Church
Thank you College Hill for everything – for loving on our girls, prayers, and hugs. It was so good to be home today, surrounded by people sharing in our joy. Thank you 14th Street/Young Crew for continuing to be family.
Children’s Hope International
And the most excellent Nichole Deal. We’ve a wonderful adoption agency. They’ve got their hands full – what with international adoption constantly changing (and occasional immoral presidents – see Russia – shutting doors) – but we’ve always felt blessed to have an incredible (and transparent) agency. Given the odd situations of both our adoptions, they did an excellent job.
Olga Elena, Sorany, Lucia and David (and Andres)
These are the people who made the adoption in Colombia happen. They are professional, humorous, always willing to help, and exceptionally qualified. Going through the process twice, Ren and I feel a bit like they’re family.
Our Jobs
Ren and I are very blessed to work for organizations that supported us leaving for a good while to make this adoption happen. Thank you Milford Exempted Village School District, Hamilton City School District, and (to some extent), Oak Hills Local School District.
Governments
So yeah, I still am thankful to governments of Colombia and the United States. The USA is easy. They set up a clear process for adopting internationals in a manner that protects the rights of children (and their biological families). They also have a tax code that takes (some) of the sting out of the (large) costs of international adoption. Likewise, I’m thankful that Colombia has a pretty decent system of pulling their children out of dangerous homes and getting them into foster care. I’m not happy about how freaking long it takes to make these children adoptable (there are so many families waiting for them), but it is what it is.
There are more. I’m sure I’ve missed some. Thank you all.
It’s good to bring a family together.
[slideshow_deploy id=’1422′]
A dear friend in Kenya just emailed me a bazillion questions and my brother called from Denver yesterday. Must be time to blog and answer some of the questions about how things are going our first week home.
We came home one week ago last night. When we arrived at the airport near midnight, our whole family was waiting for us. Monica and Kelly, my parents, Zach’s mom, Jeff, Kristen and their kids, Kristen’s sister and dad. It was awesome. Zach and I knew what was waiting for us and I couldn’t wait to see everyone. The first people I saw down the hall through the windows were Victor and Jesus. They were on lookout for us. As soon as we stepped off the underground transport, they yelled, “THEY’RE HERE!!!” I saw the girls giggling and bouncing in anticipation and I got tears in my eyes. What a joy it was to hug them! Everyone kind of stood around us, looking at Diego, not sure what to do. Kelly and Monica gave him hugs and then everyone else joined in, speaking all manner of Spanish, English and Spanglish. They had balloons and posters and chocolate! Diego was delighted to see everyone in person. What a trooper he was. After a 16 hour day of traveling, he was still smiling and calm.
The weekend was busy as we unpacked, shopped for tennis shoes that fit Diego, and had Sunday dinner at my parent’s house. The girls had a rough go jumping back into the swing of things with Mommy and Poppy. The three kids hit it off well, but Monica and Kelly definitely had to work out some of their own personal issues with each other. All in all, it was a rocky weekend for them. The good news is that only lasted for 2 days. We have had a wonderful week with no problems. Zach went back to work on Monday, the girls went to school, and I stayed home with Diego. I’ve taken the rest of the school year off so I can help all the kids with the transition, especially Diego. We had expected the girls to have a rough time for a long time but we keep praying and working with them so hopefully life will continue smoothly as it has this week.
Next week we will take Diego to the IAC at Children’s to check on his health and development. Then, on March 11 he will start Kindergarten. He’s been riding with us everyday to drop off and pick up the girls from school. I asked him if he was excited about starting school and he said no. However, the teacher he will have speaks Spanish and her name in Spanish is Senora Dulce, Mrs. Candy. He wasn’t excited about meeting her, but on Thursday after school we stopped into the office to say hi to her. She got down on her knees, introduced herself, asked Diego how old he was. He just smiled and held up 6 fingers. Then, she asked him what his favorite animal is. He didn’t answer. So she said, “Mi animal favorito es un gallotito.” (My favorite animal is a rooster). He thought that was hilarious. Then we toured her room and she showed him where the Spanish books are, the stuffed animals for reading, and how to sit on a carpet square. He was very obedient and seemed totally taken with her. All night long and the next morning he didn’t stop talking about his teacher Senora Dulce whose favorite animal is a rooster. He is excited about school now.
I am having fun with this houseful of children. I’m not exhausted, and it feels so natural to have these three kids sitting around the dinner table everyday. Zach and I are so blessed and amazed at how our family has come together. We think it’s beautiful and right. Thank you to everyone for all your prayers for our adjustment as a family of five. We know that the power of prayer is great and we believe that this is God’s perfect design for our family. We are prepared for the ups and downs of parenting these children, but right now, I am so very thankful that this week has been easy!
A few other quick and cute things. Diego used to say WOW to everything new. Now he says, “OH my GOODness” to all things new. Like the cold weather, the snow, slippers, hot showers, the dogs, Lena licking his face, the food we eat, Jungle Jims, long car rides, snow boots, a bicycle in a box, gymnastics meets, Abuela coming to visit, the shades on his bedroom windows, a winter jacket. And to many things he will point and say what we’ve been saying many times a day, “No touch.” To the locks on doors, the thermostat, the buttons on the dishwasher, sharp objects, the computer, the faucet in the bathtub, mommy’s make-up, the lights inside the van. He’s learning. He’s a good kid and he’s stinkin’ cute! Glad to have him home.
I’ll post a family picture tomorrow.
One of the cool things about the Bed and Breakfast in Bogota (besides the hot water) is that you get to meet other families in the adoption process. This time around we’ve had the good fortune to be with a cool family from Indiana who are adopting two children. Frankly, it’s just refreshing (and a bit of a relief) to process (in English) with another couple. And it’s fun to see our kids play together. We’d ask that everyone keep them in their prayers as they’re a bit behind on the process, even though we arrived the same day (that’s the difference a fast court and super star lawyer can sometimes make). And waiting go home is hard.
On Tuesday we all went to go see the Salt Cathedral and explore a few of the neighboring municipalities of Bogota. David, Lucia’s son, was our (very incredible) tour guide through the stunningly beautiful mountainsides. Inside the Salt Cathedral we ditched the tour and started exploring on our own (more fun that way, and we weren’t really understanding much of the Spanish). Inside the cathedral you had the 13 stages of the cross craved in salt. Very cool.
Today we visited the American Embassy. It took about two hours, but we walked out with Diego’s Visa. This means, after a 2 hour conversation with Delta, we fly home tomorrow! It’s going to be a long day – but in the end we’ll finally get to hug our girls and get Diego into the arms of his big, immediate and extended family.
[slideshow_deploy id=’1410′]
For Diego, Bogota is a city of ouches.
He had to get a TB test (negative!), a Chicken Pox Vaccine, and a Flu Shot. We got to skip all that good stuff with girls until we got home to Cincy. But laws change and now you pack into a crazy office, complete with many other foreign families (God bless the UP Michigan woman adopting 5 children), all doing their best to convince their screaming children that shots are really just a pinch.
Diego was a champ – even watching the needle enter his arm – and only let out one single, tiny tear.
Today he forgot to drink water. We forgot to remind him (um, this happens to other parents right?). So this afternoon he had a headache (ouch). At dinner he overcompensated and drank too much water, causing his belly to hurt (other ouch).
So tonight he got extra kisses. Tomorrow we visit the embassy where, if we’re lucky, we’ll get his visa the same day. Which would be awesome. Because the best treatment for ouches is your own family.
Because of all the rain we’ve received the last two weeks, the Tatacoa Desert was a fuzzy green. Grass and a minty, cloverish looking ground cover made for a happy feast for the cows. It was beautiful, reminding me a good bit of the drier parts of the Texas Hill Country. Supposedly the Tatacoa is not technically a desert (not big enough I guess), but it is the second driest place in Colombia and great for star gazing.
We took an hour drive north to the town of Villaviaje and then onto the desert. The drive itself was a fun adventure, with green haciendas and small (but towering) mesas rising at random times. Enrique, our guide (and landlord for the past two weeks) and I had a very enjoyable conversation ranging from Colombian economics to “explain to me Barak Obama”.
The Tatacoa’s ground (when not green) is iron ore red with fun, pyramids of dirt that were crowned with huge Cacti. Some 5 miles in we found a man made “Piscina” (think swimming hole) filed with volunteer students from Brazil, Germany, Tiawan, Colombia, and Equador (language used to communicate – Spanglish).
As the sun set we made our way back to the observatory to attend a presentation and look through three telescopes. Unfortunately the night was somewhat cloudy, but we were able to see quite a few constellations (and viewed Jupiter – complete with its bands – through one of the telescopes). Because we’re on the equator, we get to see constellations from both the northern and southern hemispheres. A double treat.
Even more amazing was the fact that Diego sat through the entire presentation calmly and respectably (he did let out a big “WOW” when the astronomer activated his laser pen – which caused everyone to bust out laughing). What a freaking awesome kid.
[slideshow_deploy id=’1381′]
We’ve had some wonderful full days lately and I wanted to post a short update.
Last Saturday we visited Tatacoa. Ren wants to blog about it, so that will be a future post, but I’ll add my 2 cents here and simply say it was incredible. The desert reminded me of bits of the hill country Texas, complete with random scraggly cows and freaky looking sheep. Here’s one takeaway picture.
Yesterday (Sunday) we caught a flight to Bogota. Diego danced with excitement the whole way to the airport, and kept yelling out “Wow” as we took off (he has this wonderful voice that seems constantly full of amazement).
Today we’ve completed his Colombian passport (tomorrow we pick it up), got his TB test, and visit the doctor. Things are happening very fast. Wednesday the TB test gets read and then we can visit the American Embassy to get his Visa. If all goes well, we may be able to head home on Friday!
Today we are going to visit El Desierto de la Tatacoa, also known as the Valley of Sadnesses. What a beautiful way to describe a desert. We will go in the evening because it is known for being the best place on earth to observe celestial bodies. Read more.
Non sequitur
How do you like my “Popo Play-Doh” earrings, designed exclusively by DFV?
Happy Sentencia!
Diego is officially and legally (and permanently) ours! Some hours ago Olga Elena and Sorany told me to grab the passports, head down to the courts, and give my signature. I’m not entirely sure what happened (I personally think Olga Elena worked some lawyerly magic – that or the judge was overwhelmed by the mounds of paperwork that came with this family), but we’re very happy. Thank you all for the prayers and comments from the last few days.
As for timelines, we’re still a bit unsure when we’ll be leaving Neiva. My guess is this weekend (possibly tomorrow). Olga Elena needs to complete a few more tasks, but the important parts are complete. Now the ball pretty much enters the American court – what with doctor’s visits, passports, and visas. But at least it feels like we’re moving forward.
Anyway, we of course had to post Diego trying to say his crazy new Dutch last name (the one of the girls still cracks us up).
It appears that our court keeps asking for more and more paperwork. Our lawyer doesn’t seem to think this is an abnormal process. Unfortunately a possible date for the Sentencia keeps getting pushed back…and back. Right now Olga Elena thinks we might hear something (whatever that means) “next week Wednesday.”
We’ll try our best not to have the boredom of Neiva dampen our resolve for another week. In the meantime, we’d ask for prayers to make the time fly by fast (and our poor daughters to feel the Skype love).
Diego and I spent a good part of the morning wrestling. It seemed like a particular guy thing to do. He was full of energy, I was full of energy, so we decided to try some WWE moves using the sofa. He loved it, even when he got a tiny shiner when his eye hit my knee (he tried to do a body slam from the armrest). It was fun, lots of laughter and yelling and hugging.
For so long – three years – Diego has been an abstract thought, the “what if” person in the family. When we adopted them, the girls didn’t know they had a younger brother, much less that the Bienestar had asked us to consider adopting him. So we taught them to pray for him (Let’s pray for Diego. “Quien es Diego? Tu hermano – your brother. Oh, ok.”), but waited until the adoption process was well on its way before telling them we were trying to bring him home.
Now – finally able to play with him, cook for him, teach him, hug him, and laugh with him – I’m struck by how natural it feels. Perhaps this is because we’re already parents, capable (somewhat) of dealing with the ups and downs. Perhaps it’s because he’s been a prayer on our hearts for 3 years.
But part of it is how easy a kid Diego is. I feel that I should qualify that statement because this is way too early in the game to make such statements. That said, any adoptive parent worth their salt prepares for the worst and is happily surprised when the worst doesn’t manifest. In the nearly 2 weeks of being a family we’ve had to do very little discipline nor have had any major meltdown (which, truly, surprises me to no end).
That said, Diego finally cried today. He’s pushed a few boundries (gotta see where the edge is after all) and got a significant timeout. The parenting skills kicked in (try agains, lots of practice, clear communication, natural consequences) and by dinner we were back in shape.
Tomorrow we’ll play some more. We’ll walk, maybe swim a bit, try out new English (Ren’s sneaking in some schooling). I really, really miss my daughters. But I’m happy to wrestle with my son.
Eventually you hit the point of home cooking craving.
Some countries this happens fast (ie – Egypt, which has terrible cuisine – see mulukhiyah). Some countries it rarely happens (ie Brazil, with its fruits, beans and rice, and incredible churrasco).
Colombian food seems be either bland or fried (and oh my goodness do Colombians like to fry things). That’s not to say it’s bad, just a bit boring. We Vander Veens tend to cook very flavorful foods at home, so this is an adjustment.
All of which is to say I was very excited to find this at the supermarket nestled between cheese and yogurt. I’m now putting it on nearly everything, including my cereal. Diego thinks it’s way too hot. I tried to tell him we eat tacos once a week in the states. He just looked at me in confusion.
