I have found it very eye-opening to see how our girls react to their lot in life. From the day we got them they have not once questioned why we took them away from their family, their foster home, their brothers and sisters, their country, everything they ever knew. I know these questions will come as they grow up; I know the answers will not be easy to explain or for them to comprehend; I know it will hurt a lot when they start thinking about the before and after of their lives with mami and papi. But we can’t wait for them to start asking those questions.
After a 5 hour doctor’s appointment at the International Adoption Center at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital on Monday, we were reminded that we must be talking about the girls’ history with them starting a month ago. With the help of the IAC social worker we explained to the girls why they were taken away from their birth parents, their foster home, and their siblings. We told them why we are their new mami and papi and tried to explain that we would be their new family for the rest of their lives. Monica was kind of shocked by that news. When the social worker asked her how long she was going to be with us, for a short time or a long time, she thought is was only for a short time.
We also explained that we would never hurt them. The social worker explained to them the boundaries of their new family and how that would protect them and keep them safe. She also told them that it’s ok to be sad about all these things and if they are ever sad they can talk about it with their new mami and papi. Monica was clearly upset, uncomfortable, and sad during the entire conversation. Although she didn’t say a word, it was obvious that what she was hearing impacted her deeply.
Reflecting on all this, it is both encouraging and frightening to think about how accepting children are. I see with our girls how they just accepted their new fate. We are adults. Adults can do whatever they like. Adults can take me to a new country and a new home because they are big and kids are little. That’s what’s probably going through their heads. And just as we are a blessing to them and they to us, it is also true that adults can be destructive. And what are kids to do about that? Do they know any better? Or do they just accept what’s happening to them? Both the good and the bad?
It is by the grace of God that our family has been formed. I pray that by his grace, and by the care of loving adults, our girls will not only accept this new life, but be healed from whatever hurts they have endured before coming to their new mami and papi.
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