I have found it very eye-opening to see how our girls react to their lot in life. From the day we got them they have not once questioned why we took them away from their family, their foster home, their brothers and sisters, their country, everything they ever knew. I know these questions will come as they grow up; I know the answers will not be easy to explain or for them to comprehend; I know it will hurt a lot when they start thinking about the before and after of their lives with mami and papi. But we can’t wait for them to start asking those questions.
After a 5 hour doctor’s appointment at the International Adoption Center at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital on Monday, we were reminded that we must be talking about the girls’ history with them starting a month ago. With the help of the IAC social worker we explained to the girls why they were taken away from their birth parents, their foster home, and their siblings. We told them why we are their new mami and papi and tried to explain that we would be their new family for the rest of their lives. Monica was kind of shocked by that news. When the social worker asked her how long she was going to be with us, for a short time or a long time, she thought is was only for a short time.
We also explained that we would never hurt them. The social worker explained to them the boundaries of their new family and how that would protect them and keep them safe. She also told them that it’s ok to be sad about all these things and if they are ever sad they can talk about it with their new mami and papi. Monica was clearly upset, uncomfortable, and sad during the entire conversation. Although she didn’t say a word, it was obvious that what she was hearing impacted her deeply.
Reflecting on all this, it is both encouraging and frightening to think about how accepting children are. I see with our girls how they just accepted their new fate. We are adults. Adults can do whatever they like. Adults can take me to a new country and a new home because they are big and kids are little. That’s what’s probably going through their heads. And just as we are a blessing to them and they to us, it is also true that adults can be destructive. And what are kids to do about that? Do they know any better? Or do they just accept what’s happening to them? Both the good and the bad?
It is by the grace of God that our family has been formed. I pray that by his grace, and by the care of loving adults, our girls will not only accept this new life, but be healed from whatever hurts they have endured before coming to their new mami and papi.
4 replies on “the acceptance of children”
I’ve been wondering about their inner thoughts too: the trust and safety, the fun, the new and curious, the ‘missingness’ or avoidance of former things. The way you both so tenderly and naturally wrap your long, loving arms around them in the photos. Continued prayers, sincerely.
Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been thinking loads, especially since you got back to the States, what they must be thinking. I think a lot about what it means for them to not be with their siblings anymore. But I’m wondering why this is news to Monica that she’s staying with you forever. Didn’t anyone explain that to them in Colombia?? I’m thankful that Monica and Kelly are with parents who are sensitive to their processing and needs! I will be praying for any tough conversations that might arise in the coming days, weeks m onths and years.
I remember going through and still sometimes going through the same feelings of awe and helplessness. Jess (now 9) understands she is never going to leave our family. But Joaquin (soon to be 7) I think still doesn’t fully understand. Our final post adoption report is tonight. We always tell the kids the social worker is coming to write a letter Colombia to show them how they are doing and how they are growing etc. Joaquin, this morning, again was questioning why Colombia needs to know if they are never going back there to live. It’s so hard to fully understand their minds and what they are going thru. But you guys are doing awesome and each day the bond will grow stronger and the kids will grow and understand and heal by the grace of God and by your love!
Thank you for sharing so much of your heart with us. These thoughts and concerns allow us to know how to pray for all of you. May God continue to heal. May he guide your conversations and soften their tender hearts.