teaching. learning. confused.

I roll these new parenting experiences around in my head while trying to fall asleep at night. Teacher by profession and passion, I find that there are so many lessons here. Some without any clear objectives.

On Teaching

The biggest question we wrestle with is what is worth teaching now versus shelving for later. I know very few 6 and 4 year olds. I know no 4 and 6 year old adopted children. I often feel in the dark with distinguishing what’s worth letting slide or having to address right then.  For that matter, I’m not really sure what’s developmentally appropriate/standard for 4 and 6 year olds. That said, here are some repetitive lessons we’re working on with the girls.

Puzzles have edges. That means edge pieces go on the outside. I can’t tell if Monica gets this and is just aiming for some additional attention from Papi or if she doesn’t really understand me. Nonetheless, I’m excited that her favorite thing in the world is puzzles. She likes trying to solve problems.

Kenzie’s tail belongs to Kenzie. Not your hand. For her part, Kenzie accepted Monica and Kelly as part of the family pack. Especially because they feed her with all kinds of people food.

The Lord’s Prayer – which we recite before dinner every night (even if we do say “give us our daily bread”) – has taken root with the girls. Monica likes to recite the intonations, if not the words (although I expect she’ll know them by the end of the month). I love this.

Before opening the outside door, ask Mami or Papi. Before opening the fridge, ask Mami or Papi. Before reaching out and grabbing whatever is your reach at the dinner table, ask Mami or Papi.

Say please and thank you. The girls are quite good at this. They can be very polite. Also, ask for forgiveness when you’ve done wrong (be it accidentally or on purpose).

Papi is called Papi. Not senora (Mrs). This is a lesson that’s repetitively taught to Monica. Again, not sure if she wants extra attention or if it’s just coming out of her mouth without thinking.

Feo and loco are bad words that we don’t say. Actually, I feel we are quite blessed that when they get mad at us the worse expletive they utter is “ugly” and “crazy”.

Your first answer is the one we go with. For example, if we ask “do you want more eggs?” and they answer no, then they don’t get more eggs. If they seem confused by the question, we repeat and explain ourselves. This lesson often leads to a consequence and re-do.

Re-dos are always allowed. If Kelly hits Monica, she’s given the opportunity to ask for forgiveness and then replay the situation where the end result is not a hit, but a hug. This can get a bit tricky because some actions require consequences (which is usually a timein in a chair that faces the wall). Kelly has figured out that as soon as she gets put in the chair she can ask “de nuevo?” (again?), thereby shortening the consequence. The tricky part for me is judging when has an appropriate amount of time for a consequence been given before she completely looses her train of thought and doesn’t remember what she’s supposed to be redoing.

You can always ask for a hug or kiss.

On Learning.

This past month taught and continues to teach me all kinds of lessons.

I love being a Papi. Even on the worst days, I still love it. I feel more complete. There was this big gap in my life and now it’s filled.

Proportions. What is the appropriate amount of food, toilet paper, toothpaste, snow playing, sleep, cleanliness, hydration, noise level (from myself), and patience versus consternation for a 4 and 6 year old? I’m figuring it out.

I bite my bottom lip when I’m mad.

Whining really irritates me. Fortunately I’ve been a middle school teacher. This prepared me for incessant whining. Unlike with middle schoolers, I can’t say “please act your age.” I’m pretty sure whining is a character trait of toddlers.

Gobs and gobs of Spanish. What’s interesting is that we primarily converse with our daughters in Spanish. Still. How this will affect their English acquisition, I’m not sure.

The art of distraction. The most effective way to avoid an oncoming meltdown is to distract Monica or Kelly. Even simple distractions work. The easiest and probably healthiest distraction is “Quieres ayudar papi con [ fill in the blank]?” (do you want to help papi with…). The girls love to help out with lots of things. Sorting recycles, putting away dishes, cooking, even some cleaning.

I’m still learning to understand their fear. This can be hard. Sometimes I’m not looking at fear so much as a power struggle. But it can be very difficult to tell the difference (ie the whole bedtime routine). I’m also learning the best way to address the fear. Touch is critical. And lots of short, simple sentences.

This warrants a separate blog post, but I’m learning to wrestle with a slow, sullen anger at circumstances and parents who create orphans. And I’m learning to deal with the anger at circumstances, greed, and general sin that keep loving would-be-parents from adopting those orphans.

Confused

I suspect that I’m in the same boat with all parents, but I often wondering “are we doing this right?” Not everything. Somethings we’re doing very well. But there are moments when Ren and I look at each other and we’re both stuck. This goes with the territory I guess.

When things settle a bit, I’m very much looking forward to continuing our fellowship with our small group. I’m also hoping we can form some relationships with more adoptive parents. This will help.