We just figured out yesterday that Monica has been waking up scared in the night and turning to Kelly for comfort. Monica is a silent cryer so we never hear her (unless she falls out of bed). Kelly opened up to us and explained that Monica has been waking her up in the night ‘miedo,’ then coming over to Kelly’s bed and hitting her to get her attention. We had no idea this was happening. So, we explained to Monica that if she ever wakes up scared or sad she can either call for mami and papi (we sleep with a monitor next to our ear) or she can come into our room and wake us up. We told her that as soon as we hear she is scared or sad we will come running, give her a hug, stay with her until she is feeling better, and be there for her as much as she needs. She was surprised to hear that, but we believe she was quite relieved. Last night she woke up 3 times and called for us and we came right in and comforted her. She went back to sleep immediately.
I write about this because I never would have thought pre-adoption that a child wouldn’t know that he/she could wake up his/her parents for help when scared in the night. I was sad myself to realize that she had been keeping her fear from us, as if she thought we wouldn’t comfort her. Thank God she believed us and called out to us last night so that we could help build her trust in us; that she would know that we will always take care of her. If I had known pre-adoption that this would be a misunderstanding with my children I would have been sure to explain right away that they can always count on us to comfort them, day and night, without fear.
Hopefully they will both get a good night sleep tonight because their first day of school is tomorrow!!! Yay.
6 replies on “scared in the night”
What a good insight! Thankyou for sharing this, I will hopefully remember to let our girls know once they get them that it is okay! By the way – you blog has been wonderful! I love coming to it daily to read about new updates and see photos and videos of the girls. It amazes me how much adoptive parents go through for these wonderful little children, even though I know at times its going to be tough, I cannot wait to get our girls! Thankyou for being so open and sharing so much with the bloggy world. These blogs really help give us as future adoptive parents ideas and other perspectives into what is to come! Many many blessings for the 4 of you!
Unfortunately, our kids don’t come to use with an instruction manual! Just do your best (and it looks like you are). That’s all you can do. It is impossible to anticipate every possible scenario. Just take things as they come and don’t beat yourselves up about everything you think you should have known.
Oh my, I remember the same situation. Joaquin would wake up and run to Jessica if scared, and Jess would wake up and crawl in bed with Emilee. We too were very sad to know they were not coming to us but turning to each other. But the battle was not knowing, now you will find, they love to come to mami and papi for comfort and it’s a great time for you to embrase a bonding moment ! 🙂
I’m so glad Kelly was trusting enough to share this with you! God is so good. It seems that it is baby steps to healing and hope.
Oops – forgot to ask. We are all interested in hearing more about school (the kids noticed this right away and asked me what I knew, how this would all work with the girls knowing limited English…..) They’re praying all goes well! I’m sure it is exciting, but a bit frightening.
Don’t feel bad about this. Even with biological children there are things that they feel they can’t share with their parents. (I remember some things I was scared about as a child that for one reason or another I didn’t think I could bring up with my parents and still haven’t to this day!) I agree with Raeanne – it’s great that Kelly trusted you enough to share it. And with a simple conversation, now they know they can go to you. You guys are doing a great job!