So I’ve been home two days and have already been asked some personal questions. “What exactly did you feel when you first saw the girls?” “Are they bonding with you or is that a struggle?” “How does it feel to finally be a mom?” “Are you loving every minute?”
Honestly, I kind of feel like I haven’t had time to process many answers to those questions. Plus I hate interviews 😉 But, since I was asked, I thought it would be prudent to take some time and reflect on this experience so far as the Mother of two young girls who I’ve known for less than 3 weeks.
1. The night before and the morning of meeting the girls I was stressed. Up until those points I hadn’t felt much except for happy, calm anticipation. As soon as Kelly busted into our unfinished meeting with the social worker I felt excited and the stress just disappeared. She was so cute, adorable, affectionate, chatty, and all smiles. There was no room in that office for any tears or anxiety. When Monica came in about 5 minutes later she immediately started crying and tried to leave the room. The social worker took her outside to calm her down and I just looked at the 10 other people in the room. They weren’t phased at all and said that it happens all the time, so we just waited and got to know Kelly.
Once Monica came back in I felt very unsure of myself. I didn’t want to do or say anything to upset her again. The social workers had a good idea to go outside to the playground in a more kid friendly territory. Without that distraction I think the office setting would have been a very scary place for Monica to get to know her new mami and papi. We really didn’t know what to do outside to help Monica but it felt like everyone was watching us and we were just supposed to know how to reach out to her. Luckily, I put bubbles in their backpacks thanks to the advice of Nichole and that was a hit with Kelly. As soon as Monica saw Kelly having fun, she wanted her bubbles to. It was in that way that we began the learning process as a family; how to interact with one another.
2. I think both girls have started the bonding process with me. They certainly already have a strong sisterly bond. The first few days they only wanted to hold my hand or cuddle with me. That worried me a bit because we wanted them to bond with both parents. So, we tried to give them more opportunities to spend time close to papi too. In a matter of days Monica became a papi’s girl. Then that worried me again because I didn’t want her to not bond with me anymore. So the pendulum swings and we are still trying to figure it out. Kelly seems to be equally affectionate with both of us. Monica craves more attention from Zach and sometimes turns away from me. So, I have to take advantage of the moments when she is open for anyone’s attention and when she is specifically asking for me. In those respects I think I am learning how to meet her needs and show her that mami loves her unconditionally and always. I don’t hold anything against her and I don’t take it personally when she appears to prefer papi. I just seek opportunities to be there for her as much as possible.
3. It feels normal for me to be a mom to these two girls, to a 4 and 6 year old, to Colombians, to adopted children. However you want to look at it. I haven’t had any Ah Ha moments where I feel like a lighting bolt struck me and changed my life. Maybe it’s because I’ve been preparing for this for 2 years. I don’t know. It just feels right. To me, there’s nothing weird about it.
4. Every minute is a surprise. That’s for sure. Am I loving each one? Heck no. There’s not much to like about tantrums and bumps and bruises. But I love these girls in the sense that I’ve chosen to care for them as a loving parent for the rest of my life. The other kinds of love will grow with time. I like their cute quirky behaviors that I’m still learning about. I love Kelly’s smile and Monica’s eyes. I love showing them affection. I love how Kelly destroys oranges. I love how Monica takes care of her new baby doll con mucho cuidado.
And so, I will continue to care for them as well, con mucho cuidado!
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