So I’ve been home two days and have already been asked some personal questions. “What exactly did you feel when you first saw the girls?” “Are they bonding with you or is that a struggle?” “How does it feel to finally be a mom?” “Are you loving every minute?”

Honestly, I kind of feel like I haven’t had time to process many answers to those questions. Plus I hate interviews But, since I was asked, I thought it would be prudent to take some time and reflect on this experience so far as the Mother of two young girls who I’ve known for less than 3 weeks.

1. The night before and the morning of meeting the girls I was stressed. Up until those points I hadn’t felt much except for happy, calm anticipation. As soon as Kelly busted into our unfinished meeting with the social worker I felt excited and the stress just disappeared. She was so cute, adorable, affectionate, chatty, and all smiles. There was no room in that office for any tears or anxiety. When Monica came in about 5 minutes later she immediately started crying and tried to leave the room. The social worker took her outside to calm her down and I just looked at the 10 other people in the room. They weren’t phased at all and said that it happens all the time, so we just waited and got to know Kelly.

Once Monica came back in I felt very unsure of myself. I didn’t want to do or say anything to upset her again. The social workers had a good idea to go outside to the playground in a more kid friendly territory. Without that distraction I think the office setting would have been a very scary place for Monica to get to know her new mami and papi. We really didn’t know what to do outside to help Monica but it felt like everyone was watching us and we were just supposed to know how to reach out to her. Luckily, I put bubbles in their backpacks thanks to the advice of Nichole and that was a hit with Kelly. As soon as Monica saw Kelly having fun, she wanted her bubbles to. It was in that way that we began the learning process as a family; how to interact with one another.

2. I think both girls have started the bonding process with me. They certainly already have a strong sisterly bond. The first few days they only wanted to hold my hand or cuddle with me. That worried me a bit because we wanted them to bond with both parents. So, we tried to give them more opportunities to spend time close to papi too. In a matter of days Monica became a papi’s girl. Then that worried me again because I didn’t want her to not bond with me anymore. So the pendulum swings and we are still trying to figure it out.  Kelly seems to be equally affectionate with both of us. Monica craves more attention from Zach and sometimes turns away from me. So, I have to take advantage of the moments when she is open for anyone’s attention and when she is specifically asking for me. In those respects I think I am learning how to meet her needs and show her that mami loves her unconditionally and always. I don’t hold anything against her and I don’t take it personally when she appears to prefer papi. I just seek opportunities to be there for her as much as possible.

3. It feels normal for me to be a mom to these two girls, to a 4 and 6 year old, to Colombians, to adopted children. However you want to look at it. I haven’t had any Ah Ha moments where I feel like a lighting bolt struck me and changed my life. Maybe it’s because I’ve been preparing for this for 2 years. I don’t know. It just feels right. To me, there’s nothing weird about it.

4. Every minute is a surprise. That’s for sure. Am I loving each one? Heck no. There’s not much to like about tantrums and bumps and bruises. But I love these girls in the sense that I’ve chosen to care for them as a loving parent for the rest of my life. The other kinds of love will grow with time. I like their cute quirky behaviors that I’m still learning about. I love Kelly’s smile and Monica’s eyes. I love showing them affection. I love how Kelly destroys oranges. I love how Monica takes care of her new baby doll con mucho cuidado.

And so, I will continue to care for them as well, con mucho cuidado!

These past 2 days have over stimulated our poor girls. It’s really no one’s fault. Everyone is just so excited to meet them. And they love all the attention, interaction, and gifts.

But it feels like the candle is burning at two ends.

Everything is new and different. The beds, the weather, the dog, the food, the language, the fact that mami and papi drive, the toilets (what, paper goes where?), Aiii yaiii Aiii.

And tonight – during a (semi) calm meal of macaroni and cheese, oranges, and hotdogs – we experienced a hilarious moment. Monica played with her ketchup. Renee and I conversed  (processing a bit of the day). To my right I heard an “aragngahda” coming from Kelly.

She was in the process of mangling an orange. I think she wanted to just suck the juice out of it (like she would do in Colombia). But American oranges are a bit different. She was spraying bits and pieces up her nose and in her hair, smearing pulp on her cheeks and using her gums (no front teeth) to squirt juice in every direction. And she was so happy – in her own little world.

I started laughing. I couldn’t stop. Renee couldn’t stop. Monica joined in with us.

It’s how I’m deciding to remember this day.

This morning we went kidless for the first time (Lucia looked after the large clan of children) and took a tour of central Bogota.  We started in the Gold Museum, which I thought was pretty cool but Renee found boring (hey – at least we  both love libraries). Colombia is a fascinating country – all the more so because its geography is so completely varied. I mean, it has beautiful coasts (on both major oceans), huge mountain ranges, and the Amazon. It’s a recipe for thick history. And much to the Spaniards delight, Colombia had a good amount of gold.

After the museum we took a tour of central Bogota (the oldest part of the city). Our guide was David, Lucia’s son. David’s a bohemian. He’s 31 and goes with the wind. While this undoubtedly provides a lot of heartburn for Lucia, he’s really fun to talk too because of travels (he speaks English, Spanish, and French fluently). In many Colombian cities (indeed, in most Latin American countries) you find these young people living on street corners. They’re not homeless per se, more like willfully wandering. They sell arts and crafts and make enough money to get food (I’m not sure if I’d qualify this as “get by”). Anyway, David did that for a number of years. Now he’s more a permanent student, father to 2 crazy sons, and works odd artistic jobs. In short, the kind of guy you’d love to share a drink with and just listen.

We viewed the first houses in Bogota, the congress, the President’s house, a bunch of universities, and gobs and gobs of pigeons (indeed, it was like swimming through a vast ocean of pigeons… occasionally encountering an Alpaca island…sort of surreal). By that time Renee was really hurting (we self-diagnosed strep throat) so we were ready to head back to the B&B.

The Lohrstrofers had arrived when we returned so all the kidos were in quite a stir. It’s really fun to see the four siblings together. Fun and daunting. They are a hyper whirlwind of chaos. Thank the Lord there’s four adults around because I’m not sure how it would go if the ration were smaller!

This afternoon I made a pit stop to the embassy and picked up our paperwork. Everything was good to go! Tomorrow we leave for home.

We’ve had some exciting last days in Bogota and Ren and I look forward to posting all the happenings. For the moment though, they’ll have to wait until we get home. It’s a bit chaotic at this last day.

We’re sad, happy, eager, melancholy, excited, exhausted, a bit sick (Renee), and jazzed about going home.

But we can’t wait to come back!

Pronounced “Boom Boom Boom” by our girls (which always makes me think of that hip hop song in the US), it’s the Colombian equivalent of a Blow Pop.

Renee discovered that she’s a major fan, describing her flavor as “Minty Sweet Lemon”.

They do not appeal to Papi.



From 2010-01-26

True to form with everything we’ve done this trip, all our Bogota items are wrapping up in record time. Yesterday we went to get the girls passports. This is usually a 2 hour event. But with Lucia’s (the women who coordinates adoptions in Colombia) son leading the way, we spent a whooping 20 minutes (which, I might add, puts the United States to shame…how long does it take to get a passport there? 6 weeks?).

Then that afternoon we set out for the Doctor’s office. The Doctor was a gruff old man who had the power (with just a stern look!) to stop Kelly in her tracks as she immediately ran towards the trash filled with used syringes. He seemed peeved that we didn’t have the health records with us (at least we thought we left them back at the B&B…but it turns out we had them buried in some paperwork in our backpack), but couldn’t really do anything about it because we fall under the old I-600 form (which means we can waive immunizations in Colombia as long as we promise to get them done within 30 days in the US).  He did say we would be crazy not to get them to a doctor ASAP when we get home. We told him about Cincinnati Children’s Hospital (which has an international adoption center) and this pleased him. And so the girls got to leave with no shots (but have a lot waiting for them back in Cincinnati)!

This morning we visited the US Embassy. I have to say that it is a very nice place. There’s a very comfortable waiting area, complete with a coffee shop (yes, with real coffee) and tons of seats. A long row of cashier windows (maybe 20) lines one wall. We waited 30 minutes and were called to a window. I answered some questions (how are the kidos doing? how are you doing? etc.) and then went to the next window and paid the price for US citizenship (for those who are curious, it cost $800 for the two girls). A short wait later, one more visit to a window, and done! The entire process took less than 2 hours. Tomorrow we go back at 3:30 to pick up the visas. Then we’re completely finished with everything!

I have the very distinct impression that our timeline experience is unique. Indeed, I’m somewhat in awe at how perfect this whole process has gone. Thank you, Lord!

A little note about our B&B. Our experience here is very different than in Neiva. In Neiva we were pretty much left to fend for ourselves (like finding places to eat). In some respects this was a good thing. It felt like we were gluing our family through the search for food.  The B&B is all inclusive. Our meals are taken care of (they’re quite good) and there’s a nice backyard were the girls can play and climb all sorts of items.

But the best part of the B&B is the other adoptive families. For the most part all the kids get along. They enjoy playing with each other. Everyone has their meltdowns at different points of the day so you don’t feel embarrassed when Monica or Kelly completely loose it. You get to share experiences and bounce ideas.

And you get to learn English! If you’re interested, here’s the French couple leading a song with the kids. The lyrics are simple, but the kids really enjoyed the song. Monica would mouth the words (she was drinking it all in) but was too shy to actually sing.

My former student, a wonderful young lady name Estefania, berated me for saying that Colombian coffee sucked. Estefania comes from Colombia and she quite rightly pointed out that I am in land of Juan Valdez and Colombia has the best coffee in the world. This is true. It’s the type of coffee my wife and I purchase when in the United States. We love its nutty flavor.

The problem was that in our little corner of Neiva we never encountered any real coffee shops that served anything but nescafe. When I lived in Chile the locals always used to try and scare the gringos with stories of nescafe being made with pork blood. It’s an image I can never quite escape from when I drink nescafe. And I do drink it because, well, I’m an American and I need my coffee.

We’re now and Bogota where we’ve found plenty of coffee shops. Our B&B actually serves drip coffee (all hours of the day!).

So I apologize, Estefania (and thank you so very much for your many excellent suggestions and contacts while down here). The coffee is excellent.

arden lane

• about our adoption